Umbrellas For Sun-Phobic Asian Goths

It rarely rains here in Southern California. But that doesn't mean we don't need umbrellas. I always have one in the car, not because I think it's going to rain but because I've become one of those sun-phobic Asian ladies. You know the type-- the grannies in Chinatown who use umbrellas in the summer sun and the Korean moms on the golf course with the giant UV visor welding masks. I am totally like that now and I'm not even that old. 

While most of my Asians friends understand my umbrella toting, giant floppy hat wearing ways, the non-Asians and male friends think I'm bizarre and even embarrassing. To make them feel more comfortable about hanging out with me in public, I'll first tell them that I'm just deeply goth. I'm allergic to the day and my skin might sparkle like diamonds, and you don't want to see that! Then I'll try to convince them that it's a medical thing. I'll get sunstroke and wilt like the delicate flower that I am. If that seems too hokey, I break down and tell them the truth. I hate getting freckles! My skin is so defenseless that if I stay in the sun I will turn into Asian Carrot Top. Also, freckles aren't cute on Asians like they are on white people. Don't argue with me on this one. 

Even with my sometimes debilitating Asian vanity, I know I don't need all of these umbrellas. I found them in my grandfather's boxes from Taiwan. It rains there all the time. 

Are you an aspiring sun-phobic goth? You can totally have an one. 

Me and Viv at FYF last summer in our Asian lady hats. Everyone tried to get under my umbrella that scorching 100 degree day, even the dudes. No one dared ridicule me after that. Photo by Patrick Pattamanuch.


I'm Not A Hoarder, The Documentary

"I'm Not A Hoarder" could have been the name of the short documentary my friend Derek Kirk Kim made about my garage. He splices together a montage of me saying those words like five times. Gah! I'm obviously sensitive about this.

The short shows garage in all it's former glory and me talking like a valley girl. For the record, the garage is mostly cleared now. So if you dream of walking through the houndstooth labyrinth, the dream is over.

Sorry, the video gets cut off here. Watch "Raina Lee vs. The Infinite Garage" on youtube.

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